I am officially back home and unpacked.
I spent the last few days in NYC with my cousins, aunt, and grandmother who I hadn't seen in way too long. It was a good start to winter break not only because I got to spend time with people I love, but because it was actually a break.
My days were largely spent watching movies and TV shows on the couch and eating delicious food (both home-cooked and otherwise). It's been a very long time since I actually sat on a couch all day. It's not something I could do for an extended period of time anymore, or something I would choose to do if given the chance, but I think it definitely did me some good.
Part of what I aim to do in centering myself again is take care of myself better than I have been. So much has been going on that I've largely neglected healthy eating, exercise, proper sleep, etc. So isn't that what I should be focusing on?
Interestingly, allowing myself to give in completely to laziness was actually beneficial because it took me out of the hellish in-between of knowing that I should be making "healthier" choices but not having the emotional/mental resources to follow through. It gave me room to just recharge the self-control batteries away from self-imposed guilt. I even became incapable of obsessing over things like classes, self study topics, grad school, careers, or other future plans. As anybody who has spent a decent amount of time around me in the last year and a half or so knows, that's not a small thing.
Doing "nothing" for that time did give me some insight into just how easily the day to day comforts could potentially overshadow any aspirations for growth. I don't mean that life should be an endless race to aspire to and achieve more like many cultural archetypes of "success" would have us believe. When I say day to day comforts, I mean those things (like too much potentially mindless, sedentary entertainment) that can give one the illusion that things are fine all the while slowly sapping energy and vitality from the person. Like many things in life, it seems that some sort of balance is key to making sure that rest and growth (in any domain, whether physical, mental, emotional, etc.) benefit rather than hinder each other.
Now that I'm home and settled in, some of the thoughts about how I will be directing my energy in the coming months have resurfaced, but I need to remind myself to take it easy and to keep it one step at a time. As I'll very likely talk about in a future post, I have a tendency to over commit myself to very lofty and sometimes unrealistic expectations while overlooking some of my limits.
Though I won't neglect lining up some of the pieces for the rest of my time off beyond the winter break, I need to remind myself that my main objective for now is to rest, relax, and enjoy the holidays.